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But many couples don't have those discussions and are operating on auto-pilot.
"Lots of couples operate on what they assume in their head because they grew up that way, that if it works for them, it works for their partners," Karam says.
For example, he says some women "think having a baby will change their husband or bring him closer."Usually, they're afraid it could make a fight or some unpleasantness, or they just think somehow, on a subconscious level, in order to preserve the relationship, they have to diminish what they themselves want," she says.