The fact that “they” did it (for suitably vague definitions of “they”), then clearly it should be open to , no? The more socially calibrated and experienced you are, the more you can pull off; people who’re more socially calibrated are better at reading the social context, picking up on the other person’s signs and knowing how – if necessary – to extract themselves if things go badly.
Someone who is socially well-calibrated can get away with more than someone approaches; the odds are against you and you can end up making yourself seem creepy when you don’t intend to.
It’s going to be an inexact process at best; it’s not as though grinding in bars gives you 120 XP per hour that culminates with your hitting the cap as a level 80 Pick-Up Artist.
As a general rule, the more successes you have – getting working phone numbers, first dates, second dates – the more risks you can reasonably take.
The social context of being at church, for example, demands radically different behavior than being at a nightclub.
the accepted social context, then you end up making people uncomfortable.
There’s that constant feeling that you’re just one misplaced emoji away from being exiled to the Island of Unfuckable Boys, there to live out your life in monklike celibacy, forever mourning your stillborn love life.
In reality, it’s not quite as complicated or difficult to attempt to approach women is automatically creepy.
Dating 101 – Online dating, warm approaches, meeting friends of friends, parties Dating 201 – Cold approaches at bars and clubs, some low-key, low-investment daytime approaches (bookstores, coffee shops, comic stores, etc.) Dating 301 – More advanced daytime approaches (the mall, the gym, grocery stores) Dating 401 – Street approaches, public transit, etc. There’s a reason for that: it’s a fucking stupid idea.
In the case of Ben Schoen’s attempt at wooing of Grace Spelman, he assumed a far greater level of intimacy than actually existed; the only contact they had was that she friended him on Facebook when she was fourteen.
For nine years, they had contact; they never interacted on Facebook or Twitter until he tweeted at her out of the blue.
By that same token, there are times and places where the social context says that says that it’s acceptable to approach a stranger and that a person’s presence is a general acceptance of the social contract.
These places include: variables that can affect what behavior is and isn’t appropriate; the same behavior that’s appropriate at a club is creepy as hell at work.Approaching people you don’t know and have no connection to means that you have to behave accordingly.